I was listening to DNTO the other day. The theme was regrets. Listening to people relating something they regret was reassuring in some way. It’s an acknowledgement that things can be messy, mistakes are inevitable.

I do my everyday routines and obligations, but in the back of my mind, a soundtrack keeps me energized. “Starman”, “Five Years”. Still thinking about the Bowie Is show. I suppose this is what Bowie wanted – to change how people think about things. To affect their perception. I’m intrigued by his seemingly fluid sexuality, his confession that it was easier to take on another identity than to inhabit his own. Does he regret some of the things he did? I want to believe that the older Bowie is kinder than the self-contained and theatrical Ziggy or Thin White Duke. Doesn’t have as much of the mocking vibe. But maybe it doesn’t matter. We all have contradictions within us.

Burt Lancaster also had fluid sexuality. I haven’t gotten to that part yet in Kate Buford’s book. It’s after the war and he just landed the role in “The Killers” that would launch his career. He’s been in the circus, the army and theatre. Hasn’t had his teeth capped yet. A digression – I liked the early Bowie song clips, before he had his teeth fixed. Imperfection made him more real.

I’m truly getting old – dwelling on the past, regretting my risk-averse life, feeling like there is no possibility of change. No recapturing a feeling of intensity.

I’m jaded as well. I saw “Blue is the Warmest Color” last week and despite all the accolades, it left me cold. I was more interested in the retro look of the 1990’s clothes than the passion of the two characters. The passion felt fabricated. On the other hand, the discussions of literature and philosophy were more engaging than anything else in the film. I think that “Blue” won’t be remembered 10 years from now (except for its title which is so good). It’s not “Jules et Jim” or even “Cousin Cousine”. “Desert Hearts” (1985) is worth a look if you want to see how filmmakers dealt with the subject before now.


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